Humpty Dumpty
by Lilith7
Summary: Karen must deal with the suprises life throws at her, some good, some bad. But she will get by with help from Jack, will and especially Grace.
1. Prolouge

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Authors notes: This fanfic takes place in an alternate universe which splits from the Will & Grace universe following the season 1 episode "The Unsinkable Mommy Adler". It is written in the first person, present from Karen's perspective.  
  
Part 1: Prolouge   
  
I sat back down at my desk in the office of Grace Adler Designs where I "work" as an office assistant and nervously flip through the 600 page copy of "Vouge" that was sitting on it, this has been the longest 15 minutes of my life. I am totally lost in my own thoughts when they are rudely interupted by a persistant ringing bell.  
  
"Oh!" I exclaim, jumping off my seat.  
  
"Oh, that's 15 minutes." Said Jack McFarland, coming over to the desk in the center of the room from the window where he had been standing. Jack I guess you could say is my best friend. He has been the one helping me through this and although I don't show it I really do love him.   
  
"Yeah. So, uh, if the stick is blue... we're pregnant." I replied feeling as if I was going to be sick, I can't have a baby, babies mean responsibility and work and all that stuff I've never been very good at. Jack and I both bick our sticks and stare at them.   
  
"Well, nothing doing on mine. Karen?" Jack asked me gently.   
  
"Uh, it's blue." I whispered in total disbelief. I sat down quickly just before my legs gave out and stared at the bright blue stick. 


	2. Adjustments

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Part 2: adjustments  
  
"Kare, are you going to be alright?" Jack asked me soothingly.  
  
"Yeah Honey, I'm fine." I replied sounding much more sure of myself than I felt.  
  
"Kare, I can't believe it, your going to have a baby!" Jack exclaimed as he reached in to hug me tight.  
  
"Poodle, do you think I'll be a good mom?" I whispered. Much of my aprehension about having children came not from the fact that I didn't want them but that considering my own upbringing I would fail at being a mother.  
  
Jack pulled away from me slightly and put his hand on my cheek, his expession had turned serious.  
  
"Karen, you will make a fantastic mother." Jack replied allaying my fears somewhat. "I've got to go ok? Will and I are meeting and going to that new Drag Queen bar on 126th."  
  
Jack quickly hugged me again and skipped out of the office.  
  
I knew that I was going to keep the baby, the thought of abortion had barely crossed my mind and when it did I quickly dissmissed it. I figue that I must be about 7 weeks along, denial is a marvolous thing and although I was 3 weeks late I had managed to convince my self that I wasn't pregnant, I had kept up my usual bottle of vodka a day and was taking enough Prozac to kill a small army.  
  
Than a thought suddenly hits me, the alcohol and tablets can't be good for the baby.  
  
"Oh, my God!" Grace Adler, my boss yells as she walks through the door. "Karen, are you feeling alright?"  
  
"I'm fine, why?" I replied feeling anything but.  
  
"Because it's 12:00pm and your still here, I thought you would have been long gone." Grace said looking at me.  
  
Grace wondered over to the table where Jack's pregnancy test was still lying. Grace picked it upand looked over at me again.  
  
"Oh, my Lord, Karen your pregnant!" Grace screeched.  
  
I just nod confirming her statement.  
  
Grace notes my silence, which I have to admit is unusual and softens a little.  
  
"Are you OK?" she asks much quiter than before.  
  
"Grace, I know this is gonna sound REALLY weird but can I stay at your house tonight?" I replied, the question came totally out of the blue but Stan was out of town and I knew I couldn't stay alone. 


	3. Releases

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 3a: Release  
  
"Karen, of course you can stay at our apartment." Grace said in a reasuring tone of voice that made me relax a little bit.  
  
"Thank-you." I replied again suprising myself. I was never really the type to thank people, I just expected my demands to be met. "I've just got to go to the penthouse first and get some things, this could take a while, I'll be back by four."  
  
I picked up my purse and my coat and left.  
  
I had told a half-truth when I told Grace that I was going by the penthouse to get my stuff, there was something much more important I had to do while I was there, ring Stan and tell him my news. Stan was going to be away for another 3 months and while normally that would be something I'd pray for now I actually needed him. And if I didn't tell him by the time he gets back it will be pretty obvious anyway.  
  
Walker Penthouse  
  
"Rosario, find me a phone and bring it to the the closet!" I demand as I walk into the 3 storey penthouse I share with my husband stan and bratty step-kids whose names I think are Olivia and Mason.  
  
"Shove it up your arse, Cruella DePill!" Rosario shouts back at me as I enter the closet and pick up one of the Louis Vittion overnight bags from the enterance.  
  
"Rosario just bring me the phnoe unless you want to be shipped back to Argentina or where ever it is you come from in the same raft you drifted here on!" I find our screaming matches a form of release, a way to keep me sane but in reality I love Rosario almost as much as Stan's money.  
  
"In my country I was a teacher." Rosario retorted "Here is the phone missy Karen."  
  
I quickly punched in the number for Stan's cell and after a few rings he picked up.  
  
"Hi, Stan, it's Karen." I say shakely.  
  
"Hi Karen, How are you going?" Stan replied, Stan had the feeling that something was wrong, Karen wouldn't ring him for weeks, even months at a time when he was away on extended business trips and he had only left this past Thursday. Another indicator that tipped him off to the fact that all was not well was that despite it being 1:15pm Karen was sober, Stan quickly thought back over the last 4 years, he couldn't remember a day when Karen was still sober at lunchtime, infact he could barley remember a time when she had been sober at breakfast. "Uh I'm alright, honey." I replied deciding to make some small talk with my husband before dropping my bombshell on him. "Is your trip going well Stan?"  
  
"Speaking of my trip I need to talk to you about something, I was actually going to ring you tonight." Stan said suddenly sounding on edge.  
  
"I've got something to tell you too." Karen giggled nervously "Do you want to go first?"  
  
"No, I want to hear what you have to say first." Stan replied as the realization hit him that Karen could be pregnant. All the pieces of the puzzle started to fit together, Karen was sober because even she wouldn't put a baby at risk by drinking and taking pills and she had rung me because she knew that I would be away for the next 3 months and by the time I got back she would be showing and it would be obvious anyway.  
  
"Stanley, remember when we talked about having kids that time and you said you wanted more and I said I never wanted any?" I questiond him and quickley continued before Stan had the chance to say anything, "Well I hope you still want more because I'm pregnant." I said all in one breath, half scared of his reaction.  
  
"Karen that's fantastic!" Stan exclaimed even though his heart was breaking, he had always wanted more children but Karen had never been the motherley type, she just wasn't interested in the work that have a child entailed. Stan though was in trouble, he had being evading tax for the last 7 years and had lied about the true finacial status of Walker Inc. which was making about triple the money Stan had claimed it was.  
  
"Your Happy?" I asked him rleaxing.  
  
"Yes!" Stan exclaimed trying to sound happy.  
  
"Now honey, what were you going to tell me?" I said giggiling.  
  
"Karen, this is really hard to tell you but my business trip is going to be much longer than I originally planned." Stan replied with a guilty tone in his voice that only I know.  
  
"How much longer?" I questioned him starting to get nervous again.  
  
"At least a year." Stan said so faintly I could barely hear him.  
  
"What!!, A year!! Why!!" I exploded feeling all of a sudden very alone.  
  
"I'm in trouble with the tax department." Stan replied honestly.  
  
"FUCKING BASTARD" I Screamed at him before I threw the phone across the room.  
  
I stood still for a few seconds before the angry tears started to sting my eyes and my knees began to give out, I fall to the floor with tears streaming down my face, I have never felt more alone or more betrayed in my life. 


	4. Saving Graces

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 4a: Saving Graces  
  
It was now 5:15pm and Grace was getting worried about Karen. Karen has only ever been on time three times in her entire life but considering her fragile emotional state Grace felt it was a good idea to go by the penthouse, Grace caught a cab up-town and walked to The Georgia building where Karen lived. She got the doorman to buzz the penthouse and was relieved to hear Rosario grant her permission to come up.  
  
"Hi, Rosario". Grace greeted the maid.  
  
"Good afternoon Grace." Rosario replied.  
  
"Do you have any idea where Karen is?" Grace asked.  
  
"She is in her wardrobe." Rosario said as she began to dust the staircase.  
  
"Thankyou." Grace ran up the stairs and was about to open the wardrobe door when she heard muffled sobs coming from inside.  
  
Grace stood still for a second listend to Karen's sobs before quietly opening the wardrobe door and entering the gigantic room.  
  
Karen was lying on the floor in the fetal postion facing away from Grace, she hadn't noticed Grace entering the room and jumped when she felt a hand touch her shoulder.  
  
"Karen, what happened?" Grace asked her softly.  
  
"The son of bitch won't be coming back." I sobbed.  
  
"Stan?" Grace asked confused.  
  
I nodded and wiped my bloodshot eyes.  
  
"Grace, I can't do this on my own, I can't look after a baby." I whispered.  
  
Grace sat down on the floor and hugged Karen tight. It hurt her to see her friend so vunerable, Karen was never the type for open displays of emotion. Grace could not imagine how much Karen must have been hurtuing.  
  
"You can do this, you've got Will, Jack and me, we will stick by you, we won't leave you." Grace said suprised by how forceful the words had sounded.  
  
"Thankyou Grace" I replied still holding onto Grace for dear life.  
  
"Karen, why isn't Stan coming back? Is he angry about the baby?" Grace questioned Karen gently.  
  
"No, he's in trouble with the tax department, the bastard lied to me and said he was going away on business but he is on the run from the FBI" I replied my voice breaking and new tears spilled down my cheeks.  
  
"Oh, Karen, I'm sorry" Grace said sincerely.  
  
I was sick of crying so I decided to change the subject. I pulled away from Grace's hug and stood up slowly.  
  
"Grace, would you like to decorate this little one's room" I said pointing to my stomach. I was becoming suprisingly used to the idea that there was a little life inside of me, the next weeks and months were going to be hard without Stan but I had the feeling that I was going to get all the support I need to get through it. 


	5. Just Another Typical Morning

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 5: Untitled thus far  
  
Eight weeks later  
  
I woke up and raced straight to the bathroom making it just in time to vomit in to the toliet bowl and not all over myself, I collapse to the floor still feeling sick as I do most mornings.  
  
"Karen are you alright?" Grace called from the other side of the bathroom door sounding concerned.  
  
"I'm fine." I reply weakly as I lean over the toliet and vomit again.  
  
Grace opened the door and sat down next to me pulling my now sweaty hair off my face into a loose ponytail and started to gently rub my back, this has become a morning ritual for us, the combination of morning sickness and achohol withdrawal has caused me to have some very miserable mornings over tha last two months.  
  
Finally feeling a little better I shakely got up off the floor and gestured for Grace to leave the room so I could have a shower. I strip off my pyjamas and look in the mirror, for the first time I truly notice it, a small bump that indicates that I am definalty pregnant, I jump in the shower, turn the water on and run my hands over my tummy actually happy to be pregnant.  
  
After I finish my shower I walk into the room I share with Grace at her and Will's apartment, since Stan effectively left me I don't like spending much time at the penthouse, it is too big and lonely so I have been staying with Will an Grace, I share a bed with Grace, normally I hate sharing a bed with anyone, well Stan anyway, but now I need the comfort that having another person beside me brings. I often wonder if Grace is as comfortable with this arrangement as I am but she hasn't said anything even when I offered to buy us a single bed each, I think she realizes that this purely platonic and I'm not trying to come on to her or anything like that.  
  
I go to the closet and start trying to find something to wear, finding a shirt is easy but finding a skirt on the other hand isn't, nothing fits anymore and I only have a small selection of my massive wardrobe here, I try on skirt after skirt getting increasingly frustrated that nothing will do up.  
  
"Kare what are you doing?" Grace asks me as she walks into the room, the floor now covered with rejected clothing.  
  
"None of my clothes fit me." I whined pouting.  
  
"Don't worry, I have some stretchy skirts that might do the trick." Grace replied brightly.  
  
I shuddered at the thought of having to wear anything that belonged to Grace but I was desperate.  
  
"Here you are!" Grace exclaimed handing me a knee-lengh stretch denim skirt which I have to admit while not my style wasn't bad either, I slipped it on and was relieved to find that it did up comfortably.  
  
"Thanks Grace." I said as I started to look for some shoes to go with the outfit.  
  
"Karen, hurry up, it's 11 O'clock, you've got an OB appointment in 45 minutes and afterwards we'll go shopping to get you some maternity clothes." Grace said smiling.  
  
I didn't want to go to this OB appointment, I had to have an aminosinthesis to check for abnormalities and the doctor had warned me that my age and drinking during pregnancy put me at very high risk, If anything was wrong with this baby my heart would break. 


	6. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 6: Untitled as of yet  
  
I gasped slightly as Dr. Stacey Wilson my OB squirted the cold gel onto my stomach and began scanning with the sonogram for the right spot to insert the gigantic needle to perform the amniosinthesis, I gripped Grace's hand a little tighter and was glad she was there with me even though she looked like she was going to faint when she saw the needle.  
  
"Everything looks fantastic Mrs. Walker" Dr. Wilson said enthuiasticly.  
  
I relaxed a little.  
  
"Now this will only take a minute, It will be uncomfortale but it is very important that you stay still, are you ready?" Dr. Wilson asked.  
  
"As ready as I'll ever be." I replied tightening my grip on Grace's hand again.  
  
"OW!" I cried out in pain as the needle was plunged into my tummy.  
  
"All done Mrs. Walker." Dr.Wilson anounced about 30 seconds later, "I'll see you in 2 weeks with the results, call me before then if you have any problems."  
  
"Thankyou, see you then." I said numbly, the experince had been nowhere near as horrible as I had expected it to be but the waiting was going to be tourture.  
  
Grace and I walked out of the hospital and hailed a cab.  
  
"Kare, are you ok?" Grace asked gently as we headed in the cab towards Bloomingdales to try and find some half decent maternity clothes.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired, I didn't sleep at all last night." I replied telling a half-truth, I was tired but I was also scared to death that something would be wrong with my baby.  
  
The reat of the cab ride was spent sitting in a comfortable silence. 15 minutes later we arrived at Bloomingdales and headed for the materninty section.  
  
"What about this?" Grace asked holding up a hideious floral print dress.  
  
"Barf." I said sticking my finger in my mouth pretending to make myself gag.  
  
"These aren't too bad, I'll try them on." I said holding up a pair of black bootleg pants.  
  
"Look they have them in other colors too." Grace held up the same pair of pants in bone, navy and brown.  
  
"Here are some nice shirts." I said pleasently suprised at how easy this was.  
  
20 minutes later, I had paid for $1000 worth of clothes and was begining to get hungry.  
  
"Grace, do yau want to go for lunch somewhere?" I asked her.  
  
"Yeah, I'm starving." She replied.  
  
"Great, lets go." I said giggling. 


	7. Wishin' and Hopin' and Prayin'

One Week Later  
  
"What ya doin' Wilma?" I ask Will as he ran around the apratment in a total tizz about something.  
  
"Looking for the Mullally file. I need it for a depostion this afternoon." Will replied breathlessly.  
  
"You want a hand honey?" I ask him getting off the sofa.  
  
"What? Whoa, I can't believe you said that, pregnancy has done some strange things to you!" Will excliamed.  
  
I hit Will over the back of the head. Although I had the urge to be more helpful than usual, the main reason I had offered to help him was because I desperatly needed to keep busy, I needed to take my mind off waiting to find out the results of the amniosinthesis, to see if my baby was ok. So I threw myself into work and helped clean the apartment, tried to cook, read books, anything to keep my mind off things. It worked during the day but at night when I was lying in bed trying to sleep it was all I could think about.  
  
"Do you have any idea where you left it Wilma?" I ask Will as I look through a pile of papers that had been left on the coffee table.  
  
"Would I be trying to find the damn file if I knew where I left it." Will replied sarcasticly.  
  
"Is this it?" I ask holding up a manila folder with the name "Mullally" neatly printed along the edge.  
  
"Yes!" exclaimed Will as he ran over and kissed me on the cheek, "Thankyou Karen."  
  
"No trouble." I reply sitting down on the couch.  
  
"I've gotta to go to work, Grace will be back later." Will said running out the door.  
  
"Seeya." I replied waving after him.  
  
I kick my legs up onto the lounge and lift my shirt up so that my tummy is showing, I draw all over it with my fingers, tracing every bump and curve of it.  
  
Suddenly I feel the *strangest* sensation in my tummy, kind of like butterflies but different, "Honey, what was that?" I say out loud to no one in particular, than it happens again, a little fluttering sensation. I remember that the doctor told me at my appointment a few days ago that I would feel the baby move soon, I begin wondering if that is what I am feeling.  
  
Interupting my thoughts Jack barges in to the apartment sheriking at the top of his lungs,  
  
"Will you stupid peice of crap you stole my boyfriend!"  
  
"Jackie, honey you broke up with Danny 3 months ago." I reminded him as he calmed a little and sat on the other end of the couch.  
  
"Oh, yeah, I remember now, but still he shouldn't be *dating* him!" Jack replied.  
  
"What's doing Kare?" Jack asked me smiling.  
  
"I think I just felt the baby kick, it's given me the funniest feeling, like being drunk only I haven't been drinking honey! I think I'm getting to like this pregnancy thing, especially if this keeps happening!" I giggled.  
  
"Oh Kare, I'm so happy for you!" Jack said leaping up and hugging me tight.  
  
"I've gotta go, the Gym is calling! See ya later Kare!" Jack said bounding out of the apartment.  
  
I thought about how much my life had changed over the last 4 months, my husband had effictively left me, I was pregnant and I have no idea of how to look after a kid but I'm still strangely happy, that is until the phone rings and the caller ID tell me that my OB is calling, all of a sudden reality hits and I'm fighting back tears againg as I answer the phone, I knew that she would be calling with the results of the amino I had had the week call was going to change my life weather it be for better or worse. 


	8. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 8  
  
I picked up the phone, my hands shaking and my eyes stinging with unshed tears, I managed to pull myself together enough to answer the phone.  
  
"Hello?" I said my voice trembling.  
  
"Hello, is this Mrs. Walker?" the pleasent sounding girl on the other end replied.  
  
"Yes." I answered still shaking.  
  
"Dr. Wilson wants to make an apointment with you to discuss the results of the amnio, is this afternoon alright?" The girl asked.  
  
My heart sank, why would I need to be called into her office if nothing was wrong, I needed someone, anyone to tell me everything was alright, I missed Stan more than I ever thought possible at this one moment, I needed the bastard and he wasn't there, infact he never seemed to be there when I needed him the most.  
  
"Why, why can't Dr. Wilson give me the results ouver the phone?" I asked barely able to breah, let alone speak.  
  
"Policy, Mrs Walker." the girl replied. "So can you come in this afternoon?"  
  
"Yeah." I said trying to regain some composure.  
  
"3pm alright?" asked the girl.  
  
"Fine, Thankyou." I whispered.  
  
"See you then Mrs. Walker." the girl said.  
  
"Ok." I replied, then hung up the phone.  
  
I walked into the bedroom Grace and I share and looked at the clock on the bedside table, 1:30pm, only 90 minutes until my apointment, 90 minutes until I knew if my baby was going to be alright. I lay down on the bed and grab Grace's pillow, hugging it against my chest, the pillow smells like her which is strangely reassuring to me.  
  
I think about what it will be like to have a baby, my baby in my arms, the baby kicks again, and I smile, I want to be able to tell it and to tell myself that everything will be alright but I can't because I don't know if that is the case.  
  
Just then I hear the front door to the apartment open.  
  
"Karen?" I hear Grace call from the living room.  
  
I get up off the bed and walk out to say Hi to her, I also want to ask her to come the the doctor's office with me. I can't face going alone. 


	9. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 9  
  
"Hi Grace." I called walking into the living room, by now Grace was standing by the open fridge trying to find some food.  
  
"Hi Kare." Grace replied not looking away from the fridge.  
  
"Um, Grace, what are you doing this afternoon?" I asked trying to hide my dseperation while praying that she wasn't busy and would be able to come with me to my OB appointment.  
  
"Nothing that can't be done later, why?" grace asked spinning around to face me.  
  
"I want you to come to my OB appointment with me." I whispered suddenly feeling and sounding like a scared child.  
  
"Sure I can, but I didn't know you had an OB appointment today, I thought it was next week." Grace replied sitting down on the couch near the TV.  
  
"The Doctor rang about an hour ago, the results of my amnio are in and she wants me to see her today." I said shakily bearly holding it together.  
  
"Karen, are you alright?" Grace asked me gently as I started to cry.   
  
"Grace, do I look alright?!?!" I snapped, imeadiatly feeling gulity, Grace was trying to help me and I was being a total bitch.  
  
"I'm sorry Grace, I'm so scared, I've never felt like this before." I sobbed in one breath.  
  
Grace wrapped her arms around me and I clung on to her like a scared child.  
  
"Karen, everything is going to be alright, I promise you." Grace whispered soothingly.  
  
"How the Hell do you know that?" I yelled, getting angry again, I hated getting angry with Grace but at that moment I couldn't figure out any otrher way to react.  
  
"I just do." Grace replied undeterred by my bitchiness.  
  
"Come on Karen, we had better get going, you don't want to be late." Grace said getting up off the sofa.  
  
"I guess not." I replied getting up and wiping my eyes.  
  
The taxi ride to the Doctors office was silent with Grace just holding my hand for support, I was thinking about my life and more specifically Stan. I knew what I had to do regarding him, I had been thinking about it for a while but was to scared to act.  
  
Once we got to the doctors office the receptionist told us there would be a 15 minute wait so I pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from my hand bag and started writing.  
  
Dear Stan... 


	10. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Dear Stan,  
  
I have been thinking alot over the past few months and I have come to a decision, I want a divorce, Sorry to be so abrupt but that is what I feel and I can' help that.  
  
I love you, and it is killing me to do this but it is what I need, I can't go on wondering when when or even with you are coming back, I have grown alot without you, with the support of my friends, I have kicked the drugs and the booze and right now I'm sitting in the Doctor's office scared shitless that my baby is going to be sick or disabled and your not here, but I have realized that as much as I love you I don't need you anymore, I'm coping all by myself.  
  
I feel like a coward writing to tell you this instead of speaking to you but I can't face you now, the amount of guilt I feel that I'm denying my baby a chance to get to know it's father is enormous but I didn't have a dad and I coped, anyway it was you not me that denied your baby that chance.  
  
Stanley Walker as much as I love you deeply, I hate you rifght now you fucking self-centered bastard, you weould rather abandon you wife and child than face the concequences of you own actions, now Stanly Walker I have done alot of really sefish stuff during our marriage but nothing comapes to this.  
  
Goodbye Stan, I will get Will Truman to cantact you regarding a setlemant.  
  
Yours Sincerely  
Karen  
  
I put the pen down and felt a wave of relief sweep through me, then I heard Dr. Wilson calling my name, I stood up and followed her into her office barely able to move with fear, she told Garce and I to sit down and went out of the room for a minute I feel myself start to tremble and Grace reached over my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me in a comforting protective hug, It was then that I knew that I had made the right decision about Stan. 


	11. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 11  
  
When Dr. Wilson came back into the room Grace unwrapped her arms from around my shoulders and firmly grabbed my hans, I was still shaking like a leaf from fear.  
  
"Mrs. Walker, I'm sorry that couldn't tell you the results over the phone but it is policy to have patients come in for test results," Dr. Wilson said in such as way that you could tell that she repeated this retric to hundreds of scared patients.  
  
"And?" I asked getting frustrated with the small talk.  
  
"As far as the amnio is concerned, everything is fine." Dr. Wilson said smiling.  
  
I burst into tears of relief aand Grace pulled me in for another hug, this one jubilent, the baby chose just that moment to kick and I grinned through my tears.  
  
"Are you sure that everything is OK?" I asked wanting to make sure that I hadn't misheard her.  
  
"Yes everything's fine, would you like to know the sex?" Dr. Wilson replied.  
  
I looked at Grace and she looked at me then at the sametime we both exclaimed:  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"It's a girl" Dr. Wilson said still smiling, I burst into a wave of new tears.  
  
"Oh My God, a girl!" Grace squealed.  
  
"Oh My God, a girl!" I squealed back.  
  
Dr. Wilson gave me a refill for the prenatal vitamins I had been taking and told me to look after myself as she waved us out of her office.  
  
I have never been more happy in my life. I can't imagine not wanting this baby, my baby girl, I love her so much and she isn't even born yet. I'm walking on air. Grace hails a cab and we get in.  
  
Suddenly Grace aks:  
  
"What were you writing in the Doctors office?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it now." I replied the reality of what I'm decison regarding Stan sinking in.  
  
I will tell Grace later but nothing can change the fact that my baby girl is healthy, husband or no husband. 


	12. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 12  
  
One Week Later, Related third expect the last sentence, where the story will start being told first peron Karen's perspective again.  
  
Karen walked out onto the street outside Will and Grace's apartment searching for a mailbox, she still hadn't sent Stan the letter that she had written the week before, she wasn't totally sure why but she knew most of it was fear, she knew that if she divorced him she would lose the secuirity she was used to, even if Stan wasn't around his money was, but she had had enough, she was left pregnant and alone by the man who supposedly loved her.  
  
Karen finally found a mail box and noticed her hands start to shake as she reached into her handbag and pulled out the letter, quickly she dropped it in the box before she dropped it on the ground and walked away, at that very moment her little girl decided to start kicking and Karen felt sure that she had made the right decision, she slowly walked back to the apartment hoping that someone had come home during the time she was out walking, although she was confident that she had made the right decision she didn't want to be alone either.  
  
Grace was sitting on the couch watching TV when Karen walked into the apartment, Karen sat down next to her and stared off into space feeling relieved yet sad, she loved stan so much but she was too tired of getting hurt by his mistakes.  
  
"Hey Kare." Grace's voice intruded into Karen's thoughts.  
  
"Hi Honey!" Karen replied trying to sound happier than she felt.  
  
"What's wrong?" Karen's forced cheer had caught Grace's attention, to her Karen seemed distracted and upset, which was a change from her mood for the last week ever since the results of the amnio had come back Karen had been much like her old self, except without the booze and prozac.  
  
"Oh God honey, I wrote Stan a letter saying I want a divorce." Karen replied trying hard to keep control.  
  
Grace just leaned over and wrapped her arms around Karen's waist.  
  
"Honey, I'm so scared." Karen whispered as she started to cry.  
  
"Scared of what?" grace asked her rubbing her back.  
  
"That I'll lose everything and I'll be alone with a baby, I don't know how to look after a baby" Karen sobbed.  
  
Grace had heard this conversation before, whenever Karen got emotional she started doubting her skills to look after her baby, it upset Grace to see Karen like this, usually Karen was so confident.  
  
"Kare, you have me and Will and Jack and you CAN look after the baby, you will be a fantastic mother, I just know it." Grace said soothingly.  
  
I wiped my eyes and said to grace,  
  
"Yeah, mabye your right." 


	13. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 13  
  
1 month later, Karen is now 6 months pregnant  
  
"Grace are you coming?" I yelled heading for the front door of the apartment.  
  
"Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming! What do we need to get again?" she replied running out from her bedroom pulling her shoes on as she went.  
  
"Everything, clothes, a crib, a pram, a high chair, a change table!" I told her. This was the first time I was going shopping to buy stuff for my little girl and to say the least I was a little excited, before now I had been to busy worrying about Stan or the amnio results to even think about shopping but now, all I wanted to do was shop till I dropped.  
  
Grace and I went downstairs and hailed a cab, I swear to God it it's so much easier to get a cab when your pregnant, because the first cab we saw pulled over.  
  
"Where are you going?" the driver said as Grace and I climbed in.  
  
"Bloomingdales please." Grace replied.  
  
"Hey Kare, have you thought about what your gonna call the baby?" Grace asked me as we drove along.  
  
"I don't know about a first name but I know what her middle name is going to be." I smiled at Grace.  
  
"Well, what is her middle name?" Grace questioned impatiently.  
  
"Grace, after you." I replied.  
  
"Oh my God, really, why?" Grace squealed.  
  
"Because without you I wouldn't have gotten through the last few months." I replied hugging her.  
  
"Thank you." Grace replied simply.  
  
The cab stopped outsied of Blooingdales and I paid the driver.  
  
Grace and I went inside and headed straight for the baby furniture department, the first thing I laideyes on was the perfect set consisting of a crib, change table, toybox and dresser, it was painted pale pink and had tiny silver fairies as a border, very girly and just perfect for my baby, then we went to the look a prams and high chairs I found a georgous pink plaid matching she which also came with manchester for the crib in the same pattern.  
  
Then we headed to the clothes section, I picked out about 40 outfits in all different sizes, enough to last her for her first year, 10 pairs of shoes, hair bands, everything, when Grace and I took it to be paid for it cost over $6,000.  
  
I whipped out my Visa Platnium and gave it to the sales assistant, who swiped it and said, "Sorry Mrs. Walker, you card's being refused by our system."  
  
"Stanley Walker, you fucking bastard." I whispered. 


	14. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 14  
  
About 5 hours later.  
  
"Yeah, fuck you too, Stan!" I screamed into the the phone, slamming it down, the bastard thinks that because I filed for divorce, after he left me, pregnant with his child to escape going to goddamn prison that he has a right to cancel my credit cards, as I hung up the phone the urge to drink or take something becomes almost uncontrolable, it was easy enough to keep off the booze and drugs while I was happy and calm, infact I didn't even think about drining half the time. But stress and upset make it very difficult to resist any remaining tempation.  
  
I flop down on the bed and tried to relax, I'm so riled up I could scream, I need a drink, I need a drink, I need a drink, the my brain screams louder and louder, I get up off of the bed with some difficulty since I'm getting so big and walk out to the kitchen, "One glass of wine won't hurt," I told myself out loud searching for some red wine. I had read in one of the baby books that drinking the occasional glass of red wine after the first trimester would not do any harm, or at least I think I did.  
  
I find some decent wine and pour myself out a small glass, I'm glad that I'm home alone because if Will or Grace were to walk in now I'd never hear the end of it. I feel guilty as I take the first sip, I'm failing, giving up, because that fat bastard is making life difficult for me, but then again the wine tastes so good, and the light buzz that even a sip gives me is instantly relaxing.  
  
I walk over to Will's brown leather chair the one that faces the fireplace and sink into it, I have fallen in love with this chair, it is not to my taste at all but it is so comfortable and suppots my constanly sore back just right. I run one hand over my now huge stomach and continue sipping the wine "Hey baby," I think out loud. "What am I going to call you?" coming up with a first name was so much difficult than figuring out a middle name, Grace was an instantious choice for me, God knows where I would be without her, I'd probably be face down in a gutter somewhere because Stan would have kicked me out of the manse, drunk and buzzed, hardly even aware of the fact I was six months pregnant and not caring anyway.  
  
The following morning  
  
I moaned as I woke up with a throbbing headache and waited for my vision to clear a little, I realized that i was still in the chair and that the entire bottle of wine and two others were empty on the floor beside me, "Christ, what have I done." I whispered as my hands flew instinctivley to my stomach as if to protect my little girl, I felt her kick my hands and said a silent prayer hoping that my drinking spree hadn't causeed her any harm.  
  
_________________ 


	15. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
chapter 15  
  
"Karen, what's wrong?" Grace asked me gently kneeling down next to my chair, I had just had time to throw the empty bottles of wine away and sit back down before Grace had entered the room, the second I saw her I started sobbing, partly out of gulit and shame and partly out of fear, I have grown to love my little girl so much and to think that I might have hurt her broke my heart.  
  
"I did the stupidest thing," I gushed sobbing harder. "What? Did something happen with Stan?" Grace asked as she reached for my back and started rubbing it gently. "I got drunk last night, or at least I think I did, I had a glass of wine after I got off the phone with Stan and then I woke up this morning and there were three bottles of empty wine next to me and I had a really bad headache and felt sick, like I was hung over." I told her. "Grace I'm scared, what if I hurt the baby?"  
  
"Oh Karen," Grace said looking confued by what I had just told her. "You were doing so well, not drinking..." she trailed off looking disapointed. "I'll ring your doctor and tell her what happened, see if she needs to see you."  
  
Grace said walking over to the phone. I closed my eyes and tried not to painc. What if my baby ended up with brain damage because of what i havve done, I would never forgive myself.  
  
"Kare, the doctor said she'll see you at 4pm, she said everything should be alright but better safe that sorry, I'm going to work now, you take the day off, your no good to me hung over anyway." Grace, humg the phoner up and ran out the front door. I thought about what the doctor had said about it probably being alright, I had read in all the baby books that it can take one drink to cause brain damage in some babys and others can have mothers who drink a bottle of vodka a day and suffer no ill effects, I hoped to God that my baby was one of those ones, not that I'll be drinking while I'm pregnant again.  
  
I felt sick and sleepy so I got up off the chair and walked into my room lay down on the bed and cried myself to sleep. 


	16. Untitled

Humpty Dumpty  
  
Chapter 16  
  
(Anything in '' is a dream sequence)  
  
'I stared at my baby who was lying fast asleep in her pram and and still couldn't believe what the doctor had told me just hours earlier, she looked perfect. she was three monts old now, she didn't look like anything was wrong with her at all, she had deep green eyes and black hair a perfect button nose and lips that were full and red, her skin was white, almost transclucent and as she slept she had a smile across her face.  
  
The doctor had explained to me that she had something called Diplegic type 1 Cerebal Palsy, which made her muscles too tight and as a result very weak. She also had profound hearing loss as a result of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, she would probably never walk, the doctor told me. She was what doctor's used to call a spastic. Her arms were less effected than her legs but she'd never be able to write.  
  
I stared at her and couldn't believe what I had done to my little girl, I only had that one night when I got drunk, that was it and my little girl is going to suffer for the rest of her life for it. The doctor had told me that the damage had probably occured before I had even realized I was pregnant, was that supposed to makw me feel better? My baby is a deaf spastic but don't wworry because it happened before you had a chance to stop it! I started to sob, guilt and grief finally overwhelming me.'  
  
My eyes flew open, I was shaking and tears were running down my cheeks, I stroked my huge belly over and over again and said a silent prayer to anyone who would listen, just then Will knocked on the door. "Karen are alright? I thought I heard crying." He called through the door, "I'm fine." I replied but my voice broke before I finished speaking. Will opened the door and walked over to the bed. "Grace told me what happened." he said quietly. "I was so stupid!" I exclaimed, "I just had a bad dream, I drempt my baby was sick because of the alcohol." I sobbed. Will wrapped his arms around me in a hug and stroked my back,"shhh... It's alright, it was only a dream." he repeated over and over again as I sobbed into his shoulder. 


End file.
